week 26
time is money… where are either?!
I know when it’s hardest for me to stick to a budget: when I’m in survival mode (and spend half my paycheck on Starbucks and other fast food), and when I know people are going to be coming to my house and I suddenly can see nothing but all the projects I want to do, and furniture I want to buy. This week, I faced both.
It’s addicting to buy something for the house that solves a problem or makes it look better— or solves and problem and makes it look better. Add a looming family reunion that we are helping host, and a little too much free time on my hands that would be better spent writing and making things rather than buying them, and I already spent the paycheck from teaching summer class at the nearby college. It’s not so much that I am trying to impress my family or worried about their judgment, it’s that I want my house to reflect who I am as a person, especially as a creative person, and for it to be seen in its very best light. Is that too much to ask? (Probably).
After fixing a damaged spot on our dining room table, I got a high and told my husband it is about time we get the chandelier we want (as well as the chairs that match our gorgeous, handmade table from Italy that I found on consignment two years ago, because we’ve been sitting on hand-me-down stained IKEA chairs that are fine and practical but don’t do the table justice). Add to the list: new kitchen lighting, new sconces for the front of the house, a bit of landscaping, outdoor string lights and poles, outdoor uplighting (which I don’t know how I’ve lived this long without), a new study bookshelf to replace the used target one that looks like it will tip over any moment, a new doormat, paint and stain for the mailbox and outdoor chair, a new outdoor cushion box, and doors to to the laundry. As well as being quite a bit of money, all of these things require a lot of time, even when just picking out and buying.
A few days ago, I rewatched a few episodes of Fran Lebowitz’s “Pretend It’s a City” on Netflix. “I hate money but I love things,” she says, and as she describes her conundrum of loving books and furniture but hating money and having to work, I laughed hysterically as it hit just a little too close to home. She discusses playing the lotto each week, and how it’s gotten to the point with the expensive apartment she bought that winning the lottery now feels like a need. (We played the lotto this week for $2 and spoiler alert: we didn’t win anything).
Time worked the same way for me this week, having a long to do list and feeling like if I accomplished one thing off the list, three more would pop up. I felt like I was trying to grab more of it and it kept slipping through my fingers, and of course the metaphor of grasping sand comes to mind. What I am learning from both my lack of money and time management this week, is that whenever I have the anxiety about not having enough time or not having enough money, I push away the time and money. When I am relaxed and in an abundance mindset of time and money, I at least give myself a fighting chance to let it flow to me, or at least to be able to work with what I have. If I ever win the lotto, look out Pottery Barn and Arhaus, but until then, I will have to pace myself.
(Additional fail: lost at playing H-O-R-S-E shooting hoops with a friend. Three games in a row. But I got some good pointers on shooting).